the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
