trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He felt like a one man threesome
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
