it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
