im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
