3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
