it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
