we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dignity is for republicans.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
