She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
