I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
