yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
