he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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