im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
