Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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