Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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