i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
