I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
