There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
