I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Found the puke drawer
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
