If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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