shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize