I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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