i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
