Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
