We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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