My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
