So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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