3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize