Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
