My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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