They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
People in love make me want to vomit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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