If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
