i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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