You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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