ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
