matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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