You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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