Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
