He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
