I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
