so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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