Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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