this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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