Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
