Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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