I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
