I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
sex in a hospital.. check
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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