Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
