some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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