TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
