i already hear my dad disowning me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
