i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize