just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
