ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
