On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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