If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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