There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
