I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
