Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
