and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
