I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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