so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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