You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
