I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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