Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
