Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
