I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
