i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
