I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
