I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
