he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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