im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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