I have demons in me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i will never coherently bang her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
