I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
