he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
